A letting go of sorts...

Dear world,

I am a planner. I love to have a plan. It is more than just because if I have a plan than I feel like I'm in control (not going to lie, that is a part of it). It is because a plan provides me with a feeling of security. Even if I don't follow the plan, I like to have one. That way if things go completely wrong I can say, "Oh that's ok, because it wasn't apart of the plan anyway." Does this make any sense?


Well lately I have found myself in a rut. I just changed my major and I haven't got a clue as to what I want to do (haha...like most college students, I know). When I graduate do I want to get my masters? Maybe. I just don't know what is going to happen. I don't know when I'll leave on my mission, I don't know where I'm going, I don't know when I'll get back, I don't know exactly how things will be financially when I get back, I don't know a lot of things right now. That has been SO hard. To not be able to look ahead 2 or 3 years and know, roughly, where I will be. It stresses me out. I honestly start to get physically ill when I think about how I don't know, and at the idea of not having a plan.
Tonight at the CES fireside Elder D. Todd Christofferson talked about how thoughtful planning for the future is key, but how we don't live in the future we need to live in the present. We need to live for today and make sure that we are doing the right things daily that will help bring us closer to our Heavenly Father. He gave us a few good steps to remember when we are having a difficult time in our lives. 1. Don't give in to the pressure of the moment. 2. Take it one day at a time. 3. Don't look ahead at the pain-just get through the day. The spirit can guide us to know when to look ahead and when to plan focus on getting through the day and as we ask for help from God in our daily lives we need to do what IS in our power to do. We need to do our part and have faith that Heavenly Father will do His part.


So I have decided that it is time for me to let go. To stop worrying so much about the future. I know that if I make the right choices in my life each and every day then when the future comes things will work out the way they are supposed to . I have to stop making my own plans and ideas and let Heavenly Fathers plan for me unfold instead. I know that Heavenly Father has great plans for me and I just have to have faith in Him, because I know that He can make more out of my life than I ever could. I hope this is making sense. Yes, I can have goals and plan and hope for things, but I just need to start taking it one day at a time. You know, relax. Have faith. Faith not only in God, but in myself.

Elder Christofferson talked about a painting of Wheat. How just to look at one brush stroke or on one small section of the painting it would seem insignificant....not very interesting. As you zoom out and look at the entire painting you can see that each tiny and, what seemed to be, insignificant brush stroke worked together to make a very beautiful painting!!!! I am going to work on one brush stroke at a time and put all of my trust in the Lord to guide me, so that one day when I can see the painting of my life as a whole I can say, WOW!

I hope that everyone who reads this understands what I am meaning, I am positive that some of the things I have written probably came out all jumbled and I didn't wright all of my thoughts (obviously)  and there was a whole lot more to the talk than what I put....I just hope nobody misunderstands....