The Wrong Girl

Last night I laughed, I cried, I was angry, I was unbelievably happy, I was sad, I fell in love, I fell out of love, then I fell back in love and realized that I hadn't really fallen out of love, I kissed the man of my dreams, and got married. 

Then I had a slap in the face! 

I was watching a stinking chick flick!!! 

That wasn't happening to ME! It was happening to some other girl. 

A fictional character, I might add! 

At the end of the movie, I wasn't left with that overwhelming feeling of peace and contentment one should feel after going through all of those emotions. 

I was left with a feeling of loss and betrayal. 

Okay! 

So, I couldn't help but be happy for the couple on the screen,

but I still think that he ended up with the wrong girl.

I had seen how wonderful he was from the very beginning! 
I noticed him before she did! 

I never treated him like a doormat!

SO

WHERE IS MY MAN???

Beauty

Lately I have been struck at the amount of beauty that this world contains. Particularly, I have been struck by the amount of beautiful people that I have in my life. I was going through a bunch of pictures when a wave of emotion just hit me. I am so blessed!!! Just look at all of these beautiful, wonderful people!!! (of course I can't post ALL of the pics that I want to, but here are just a few)

Each of these people are beautiful from the inside-out and I love them so much! 

Hope=Saturday

Do you ever feel like going to sleep doesn't do AnYtHiNg for you???

ME TOO.

Do you ever feel like crying because you just want to sleep SO BAD???

ME TOO.

Do you ever have DreaMs that make you tired???

ME TOO.

Do you ever dream that you forgot to show up to work and as a result the door never got locked, all the computers were stolen, and it is all YOUR FAULT???

ME TOO.

Do you ever go to class sleep deprived and stare at the professor like he/she is an idiot because they sound like they are speaking an out-of-this-world language???

ME TOO.

Do you ever try to study and all the words just blend together to make one GiGaNtIc blob on your page??

ME TOO 

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you are not alone. And better yet there is HOPE for you. You see, there is this wonderful thing I like to call Saturday. It is also referred to as Sabado, Saterdag, Lørdag, Σάββατο, Sabato, Laugardagur, Samedi, and Dé Sathairn.

Regardless of how you say it, it means SLEEPING IN!!!

~Put all of your eggs in one basket~

This Sunday in Relief Society, our teacher asked us to find a scripture story where we could see the hand of God in the lives of the people. I immediately thought of 1 Nephi 18:24 it says,

 "And it came to pass that we did begin to till the earth, and we began to plant seeds; yea, we did put all our seeds into the earth, which we had brought from the land of Jerusalem. And it came to pass that they did grow exceedingly; wherefore, we were blessed in abundance."

When she asked who wanted to share a few girls raised their hands. They shared stories where angels appeared to the people and many other similar stories. They were all very very good choices and I felt silly for the one that I had chosen.

It is a simple scripture about planting seeds, but when I read it I feel that there is great significance in the words. They planted all of their seeds, not withholding even one. And they all grew. So many things could have happened to those seeds. There is the possibility that they couldn't grow in foreign soil or that those types of plants couldn't grow in that particular area of the world or that it rained too much or that animals came and ate the seeds. So many things could have happened. Yet, they grew.

Now I put this question to you, do you put ALL of your faith in God? I have heard the saying that goes "Don't put all of your eggs in one basket". I don't believe in this saying. I am putting my life in Gods hands, because I know that He will make more of my life then I ever possibly could. I know that as I do this and as I plant the seeds in my life, He will make them grow. Just as He made their seeds grow.

"Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing"

These past few weeks that I have been working on my mission papers can be summarized by one of my favorite hymns, "Come thou fount of every blessing". (special thanks to Jess for showing me this awesome version of it)

My heart began to hurt as my past came rushing back to me. Then I turned my thoughts to how Heavenly Father has watched over and guided me, especially through those dark days... "Oh to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be. Let thy goodness, like fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee."

I have also had to face that old enemy of mine, self-doubt. I don't know how I can be filled with such a sense of worthlessness. Then I remember who I am, a daughter of God. I turn to Him and I am filled with such a deep feeling of love and peace. A feeling of wholeness.. "prone to wander, lord I feel it prone to leave the God I love, here's my heart oh take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above."

Oh how Heavenly Father loves His children. I know that it is more than we can ever understand. I will never let Satan conquer me, I will never give up, I will never loose faith. I will always have hope for the future and faith that Heavenly Father will guide me.. "Here I raise mine Ebenezer; hither by thy help I'm come and I hope by thy good pleasure, safely to arrive at home."

"Jesus sought me when a stranger, wandering from the fold of God; He, to rescue me from danger, interposed His precious blood." Christ lives! He died for each of us, so that we may return to our Father in heaven and live forever as His beloved children.

"Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it, mount of thy redeeming love."

24 Hours

I was dreding this paper but it turned out pretty good! It is about what I would do if I were stuck in the USU library for 24 hours alone....Enjoy!

Stuck

I stand in the middle of the Merril Crazier Library. What do I do? I take a giant whiff of the air; fear mixed with anticipation lingers in it. Who will be my next victim? I creep up the stairs to the third floor, turn right and head slowly for the fungi section. Knowing I will find my victim there waiting. I have spotted my prey. I reach out my hand and snatch up my prey from the shelf where it has been calling my name, Michael Kuo’s 100 Edible Mushrooms.

So it isn’t a cheese burger, but I get to mix my curiosity for fungus that I normally hide from others with my love for cooking. I carry my victim to the nest I have made. I have pushed all of the couches I can find to the south side of the main floor underneath the enormous skylight window. Together they make a bed that could break any Guinness world record.

I place the book on the top of the stack of historical fiction I have already gathered. I nestle in between the millions of blankets that I have found in a hidden closet, someone must have known that I would be stuck here for 24 hours. I pull out my bowl that is filled with a mixture of vanilla ice cream and brownies that have been made with out eggs. I lay there for hours reading about mushrooms, Lady Elizabeth, Queen Eleanor, and many other European historical figures.



After I carefully devour the words in each book, I decide it is time to work off all the ice cream and brownies I ate. Running up and down the stairs several times quickly wears me out. I wander around until I have found the music section. I pull different albums off of the shelves without even considering what I am grabbing. Finding the speaker system, I blare the music throughout the entire library. Moving to the lobby I begin to loosen up and let my inner ballerina-African-hip hop dancer emerge. This is how they find me, leaping shaking and twirling around the library. I am soon committed to an insane asylum, where I forever leap shake and twirl.

"This I believe"

I wrote this paper for my "This I believe" paper for english. Enjoy!

I was eight years old when I finally learned how to ride a bike. It was something that I had been trying to learn for quite some time, for me it was a difficult task. Every time that I got on the bike I would get going and as soon as I thought I had it, the bike would wobble and fall. My four year old brother learned how to ride a bike before I did. My dad would go out and hold the back of the bike for him and tell him what to do. I asked my dad why he wouldn't do that for me, he simply said, "I tried to help you, but you just weren't getting it."

 After that I became determined, practicing hour after hour on my own. When my older brother and his friends noticed how persistent I was, they told me just to give up. They laughed in my face, telling me that my little brother learned how to ride a bike before me and how dumb it made me look. I couldn't stand their comments, so I began to go out early in the morning before they were awake.


A few days of doing this didn't help me very much. I still could not ride my bike. One day I went outside, determined that that would be the day I rode my bike. I got on my sea foam green bike and pushed off. Just as I was beginning to feel the rush of the wind on my face that I had longed so much for, I ran into my arch enemy, the pavement. I fell hard. The sting of the pavement and my failure was overwhelming for my eight year old brain, which had the idea of invincibility firmly planted in it. As I stared at the pavement through my tears, I realized that I had begun to believe what everyone had been saying to me. That I couldn’t do it and I should just give up. When I came to the realization that I was giving in, I stood up and said to myself, “Alexis Marie, you get back on that freaking bike and prove them all wrong.” I got on that bike and to this day have never had to meet with that old enemy of mine.


Life is full of choices. I can give into the weight of the world when it knocks me to the ground, I could wallow in self pity and blame others for my problems and say that it was out of my control. Or I can pick my self up and say, “The world is wrong.” Either way, I am in control of my destiny. This I believe.

A letting go of sorts...

Dear world,

I am a planner. I love to have a plan. It is more than just because if I have a plan than I feel like I'm in control (not going to lie, that is a part of it). It is because a plan provides me with a feeling of security. Even if I don't follow the plan, I like to have one. That way if things go completely wrong I can say, "Oh that's ok, because it wasn't apart of the plan anyway." Does this make any sense?


Well lately I have found myself in a rut. I just changed my major and I haven't got a clue as to what I want to do (haha...like most college students, I know). When I graduate do I want to get my masters? Maybe. I just don't know what is going to happen. I don't know when I'll leave on my mission, I don't know where I'm going, I don't know when I'll get back, I don't know exactly how things will be financially when I get back, I don't know a lot of things right now. That has been SO hard. To not be able to look ahead 2 or 3 years and know, roughly, where I will be. It stresses me out. I honestly start to get physically ill when I think about how I don't know, and at the idea of not having a plan.
Tonight at the CES fireside Elder D. Todd Christofferson talked about how thoughtful planning for the future is key, but how we don't live in the future we need to live in the present. We need to live for today and make sure that we are doing the right things daily that will help bring us closer to our Heavenly Father. He gave us a few good steps to remember when we are having a difficult time in our lives. 1. Don't give in to the pressure of the moment. 2. Take it one day at a time. 3. Don't look ahead at the pain-just get through the day. The spirit can guide us to know when to look ahead and when to plan focus on getting through the day and as we ask for help from God in our daily lives we need to do what IS in our power to do. We need to do our part and have faith that Heavenly Father will do His part.


So I have decided that it is time for me to let go. To stop worrying so much about the future. I know that if I make the right choices in my life each and every day then when the future comes things will work out the way they are supposed to . I have to stop making my own plans and ideas and let Heavenly Fathers plan for me unfold instead. I know that Heavenly Father has great plans for me and I just have to have faith in Him, because I know that He can make more out of my life than I ever could. I hope this is making sense. Yes, I can have goals and plan and hope for things, but I just need to start taking it one day at a time. You know, relax. Have faith. Faith not only in God, but in myself.

Elder Christofferson talked about a painting of Wheat. How just to look at one brush stroke or on one small section of the painting it would seem insignificant....not very interesting. As you zoom out and look at the entire painting you can see that each tiny and, what seemed to be, insignificant brush stroke worked together to make a very beautiful painting!!!! I am going to work on one brush stroke at a time and put all of my trust in the Lord to guide me, so that one day when I can see the painting of my life as a whole I can say, WOW!

I hope that everyone who reads this understands what I am meaning, I am positive that some of the things I have written probably came out all jumbled and I didn't wright all of my thoughts (obviously)  and there was a whole lot more to the talk than what I put....I just hope nobody misunderstands....