The Wrong Girl

Last night I laughed, I cried, I was angry, I was unbelievably happy, I was sad, I fell in love, I fell out of love, then I fell back in love and realized that I hadn't really fallen out of love, I kissed the man of my dreams, and got married. 

Then I had a slap in the face! 

I was watching a stinking chick flick!!! 

That wasn't happening to ME! It was happening to some other girl. 

A fictional character, I might add! 

At the end of the movie, I wasn't left with that overwhelming feeling of peace and contentment one should feel after going through all of those emotions. 

I was left with a feeling of loss and betrayal. 

Okay! 

So, I couldn't help but be happy for the couple on the screen,

but I still think that he ended up with the wrong girl.

I had seen how wonderful he was from the very beginning! 
I noticed him before she did! 

I never treated him like a doormat!

SO

WHERE IS MY MAN???

Beauty

Lately I have been struck at the amount of beauty that this world contains. Particularly, I have been struck by the amount of beautiful people that I have in my life. I was going through a bunch of pictures when a wave of emotion just hit me. I am so blessed!!! Just look at all of these beautiful, wonderful people!!! (of course I can't post ALL of the pics that I want to, but here are just a few)

Each of these people are beautiful from the inside-out and I love them so much! 

Hope=Saturday

Do you ever feel like going to sleep doesn't do AnYtHiNg for you???

ME TOO.

Do you ever feel like crying because you just want to sleep SO BAD???

ME TOO.

Do you ever have DreaMs that make you tired???

ME TOO.

Do you ever dream that you forgot to show up to work and as a result the door never got locked, all the computers were stolen, and it is all YOUR FAULT???

ME TOO.

Do you ever go to class sleep deprived and stare at the professor like he/she is an idiot because they sound like they are speaking an out-of-this-world language???

ME TOO.

Do you ever try to study and all the words just blend together to make one GiGaNtIc blob on your page??

ME TOO 

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you are not alone. And better yet there is HOPE for you. You see, there is this wonderful thing I like to call Saturday. It is also referred to as Sabado, Saterdag, Lørdag, Σάββατο, Sabato, Laugardagur, Samedi, and Dé Sathairn.

Regardless of how you say it, it means SLEEPING IN!!!

~Put all of your eggs in one basket~

This Sunday in Relief Society, our teacher asked us to find a scripture story where we could see the hand of God in the lives of the people. I immediately thought of 1 Nephi 18:24 it says,

 "And it came to pass that we did begin to till the earth, and we began to plant seeds; yea, we did put all our seeds into the earth, which we had brought from the land of Jerusalem. And it came to pass that they did grow exceedingly; wherefore, we were blessed in abundance."

When she asked who wanted to share a few girls raised their hands. They shared stories where angels appeared to the people and many other similar stories. They were all very very good choices and I felt silly for the one that I had chosen.

It is a simple scripture about planting seeds, but when I read it I feel that there is great significance in the words. They planted all of their seeds, not withholding even one. And they all grew. So many things could have happened to those seeds. There is the possibility that they couldn't grow in foreign soil or that those types of plants couldn't grow in that particular area of the world or that it rained too much or that animals came and ate the seeds. So many things could have happened. Yet, they grew.

Now I put this question to you, do you put ALL of your faith in God? I have heard the saying that goes "Don't put all of your eggs in one basket". I don't believe in this saying. I am putting my life in Gods hands, because I know that He will make more of my life then I ever possibly could. I know that as I do this and as I plant the seeds in my life, He will make them grow. Just as He made their seeds grow.

"Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing"

These past few weeks that I have been working on my mission papers can be summarized by one of my favorite hymns, "Come thou fount of every blessing". (special thanks to Jess for showing me this awesome version of it)

My heart began to hurt as my past came rushing back to me. Then I turned my thoughts to how Heavenly Father has watched over and guided me, especially through those dark days... "Oh to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be. Let thy goodness, like fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee."

I have also had to face that old enemy of mine, self-doubt. I don't know how I can be filled with such a sense of worthlessness. Then I remember who I am, a daughter of God. I turn to Him and I am filled with such a deep feeling of love and peace. A feeling of wholeness.. "prone to wander, lord I feel it prone to leave the God I love, here's my heart oh take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above."

Oh how Heavenly Father loves His children. I know that it is more than we can ever understand. I will never let Satan conquer me, I will never give up, I will never loose faith. I will always have hope for the future and faith that Heavenly Father will guide me.. "Here I raise mine Ebenezer; hither by thy help I'm come and I hope by thy good pleasure, safely to arrive at home."

"Jesus sought me when a stranger, wandering from the fold of God; He, to rescue me from danger, interposed His precious blood." Christ lives! He died for each of us, so that we may return to our Father in heaven and live forever as His beloved children.

"Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it, mount of thy redeeming love."

24 Hours

I was dreding this paper but it turned out pretty good! It is about what I would do if I were stuck in the USU library for 24 hours alone....Enjoy!

Stuck

I stand in the middle of the Merril Crazier Library. What do I do? I take a giant whiff of the air; fear mixed with anticipation lingers in it. Who will be my next victim? I creep up the stairs to the third floor, turn right and head slowly for the fungi section. Knowing I will find my victim there waiting. I have spotted my prey. I reach out my hand and snatch up my prey from the shelf where it has been calling my name, Michael Kuo’s 100 Edible Mushrooms.

So it isn’t a cheese burger, but I get to mix my curiosity for fungus that I normally hide from others with my love for cooking. I carry my victim to the nest I have made. I have pushed all of the couches I can find to the south side of the main floor underneath the enormous skylight window. Together they make a bed that could break any Guinness world record.

I place the book on the top of the stack of historical fiction I have already gathered. I nestle in between the millions of blankets that I have found in a hidden closet, someone must have known that I would be stuck here for 24 hours. I pull out my bowl that is filled with a mixture of vanilla ice cream and brownies that have been made with out eggs. I lay there for hours reading about mushrooms, Lady Elizabeth, Queen Eleanor, and many other European historical figures.



After I carefully devour the words in each book, I decide it is time to work off all the ice cream and brownies I ate. Running up and down the stairs several times quickly wears me out. I wander around until I have found the music section. I pull different albums off of the shelves without even considering what I am grabbing. Finding the speaker system, I blare the music throughout the entire library. Moving to the lobby I begin to loosen up and let my inner ballerina-African-hip hop dancer emerge. This is how they find me, leaping shaking and twirling around the library. I am soon committed to an insane asylum, where I forever leap shake and twirl.

"This I believe"

I wrote this paper for my "This I believe" paper for english. Enjoy!

I was eight years old when I finally learned how to ride a bike. It was something that I had been trying to learn for quite some time, for me it was a difficult task. Every time that I got on the bike I would get going and as soon as I thought I had it, the bike would wobble and fall. My four year old brother learned how to ride a bike before I did. My dad would go out and hold the back of the bike for him and tell him what to do. I asked my dad why he wouldn't do that for me, he simply said, "I tried to help you, but you just weren't getting it."

 After that I became determined, practicing hour after hour on my own. When my older brother and his friends noticed how persistent I was, they told me just to give up. They laughed in my face, telling me that my little brother learned how to ride a bike before me and how dumb it made me look. I couldn't stand their comments, so I began to go out early in the morning before they were awake.


A few days of doing this didn't help me very much. I still could not ride my bike. One day I went outside, determined that that would be the day I rode my bike. I got on my sea foam green bike and pushed off. Just as I was beginning to feel the rush of the wind on my face that I had longed so much for, I ran into my arch enemy, the pavement. I fell hard. The sting of the pavement and my failure was overwhelming for my eight year old brain, which had the idea of invincibility firmly planted in it. As I stared at the pavement through my tears, I realized that I had begun to believe what everyone had been saying to me. That I couldn’t do it and I should just give up. When I came to the realization that I was giving in, I stood up and said to myself, “Alexis Marie, you get back on that freaking bike and prove them all wrong.” I got on that bike and to this day have never had to meet with that old enemy of mine.


Life is full of choices. I can give into the weight of the world when it knocks me to the ground, I could wallow in self pity and blame others for my problems and say that it was out of my control. Or I can pick my self up and say, “The world is wrong.” Either way, I am in control of my destiny. This I believe.

A letting go of sorts...

Dear world,

I am a planner. I love to have a plan. It is more than just because if I have a plan than I feel like I'm in control (not going to lie, that is a part of it). It is because a plan provides me with a feeling of security. Even if I don't follow the plan, I like to have one. That way if things go completely wrong I can say, "Oh that's ok, because it wasn't apart of the plan anyway." Does this make any sense?


Well lately I have found myself in a rut. I just changed my major and I haven't got a clue as to what I want to do (haha...like most college students, I know). When I graduate do I want to get my masters? Maybe. I just don't know what is going to happen. I don't know when I'll leave on my mission, I don't know where I'm going, I don't know when I'll get back, I don't know exactly how things will be financially when I get back, I don't know a lot of things right now. That has been SO hard. To not be able to look ahead 2 or 3 years and know, roughly, where I will be. It stresses me out. I honestly start to get physically ill when I think about how I don't know, and at the idea of not having a plan.
Tonight at the CES fireside Elder D. Todd Christofferson talked about how thoughtful planning for the future is key, but how we don't live in the future we need to live in the present. We need to live for today and make sure that we are doing the right things daily that will help bring us closer to our Heavenly Father. He gave us a few good steps to remember when we are having a difficult time in our lives. 1. Don't give in to the pressure of the moment. 2. Take it one day at a time. 3. Don't look ahead at the pain-just get through the day. The spirit can guide us to know when to look ahead and when to plan focus on getting through the day and as we ask for help from God in our daily lives we need to do what IS in our power to do. We need to do our part and have faith that Heavenly Father will do His part.


So I have decided that it is time for me to let go. To stop worrying so much about the future. I know that if I make the right choices in my life each and every day then when the future comes things will work out the way they are supposed to . I have to stop making my own plans and ideas and let Heavenly Fathers plan for me unfold instead. I know that Heavenly Father has great plans for me and I just have to have faith in Him, because I know that He can make more out of my life than I ever could. I hope this is making sense. Yes, I can have goals and plan and hope for things, but I just need to start taking it one day at a time. You know, relax. Have faith. Faith not only in God, but in myself.

Elder Christofferson talked about a painting of Wheat. How just to look at one brush stroke or on one small section of the painting it would seem insignificant....not very interesting. As you zoom out and look at the entire painting you can see that each tiny and, what seemed to be, insignificant brush stroke worked together to make a very beautiful painting!!!! I am going to work on one brush stroke at a time and put all of my trust in the Lord to guide me, so that one day when I can see the painting of my life as a whole I can say, WOW!

I hope that everyone who reads this understands what I am meaning, I am positive that some of the things I have written probably came out all jumbled and I didn't wright all of my thoughts (obviously)  and there was a whole lot more to the talk than what I put....I just hope nobody misunderstands....

~Missing You~

Today I went and did my most of my Christmas shopping for my family and friends. As I was shopping I kept seeing things that I thought, "Oh my goodness my mom would LOVE this for her present. I should totally get it for her." Then I would stop mid thought and realize that I could never buy her another gift. I realized that whenever I was shopping for other people I worry, "Will this person like what I've gotten them or will they just pretend they like it and later say how much they really didn't?" But with my mom I never asked that question. I knew my mom so well that I could walk into a store and pick something and she would LOOOOOVE it!!! We had such a similar taste that I knew if I liked it, she would too.


I miss my mom so much right now it hurts. I miss not being able to get her something and know that she will love it so much. I miss the way she would squeeze me when she hugged me. I miss having a "nich". I miss you telling me I look pretty or that you are proud of me. I miss singing with you. I miss telling you the weird random facts I learn in class. I think you would have liked to learn about Jazz music.

I know we had our fights and you couldn't understand why I was distancing myself in so many ways with you. I just wanted you to call me and talk to me. I wanted you to tell me you were going to do something and then follow thru with it. I wanted you to call me and tell me happy birthday or make plans with me to do something fun. I love you and I just wanted you to BE THERE. Ultimately, I just wanted to have a better relationship with you. One where if I did something wrong you couldn't hang something else over my head. And right when we were starting to get that relationship, you were gone.


I miss you and my heart hurts like crazy. I can't wait for the day that I get to see you perfected.

~Seen~

        Every day that I walk home from ballet I walk down a hill. After it snowed, the hill became somewhat slippery. But sliding down the hill is usually faster than waiting for the bus and traveling away from my apartment before we turn and travel towards it.


A few times at the beginning of the semester I would pass this guy. I would just glance at him and kind of smile. He started saying "Hello" to me and, if you know me, you know that if you say "Hello" to me you are almost always rewarded with a big smile and an enthusiastic hello. I have rarely seen this guy since the beginning of the semester, but I have always looked for him on my way home after class. Today I got to see him! And, like he always does, he said "Hello". It  has made my entire day so much better!
It isn't that I am attracted to him in any way. It is more that I just like being seen. There is something about having someone that you have absolutely no ties to say "Hello" to you. There isn't any obligation in the "Hello". It is a pure "Hello", an I recognize that you are here "Hello" and that you really do take up space in this world, an I see you hello.

So here is my challenge to you, say "Hello" to 5 people that you don't know today. You don't have to talk to them. Just as you walk by them smile and say "Hello" in the cheeriest voice that you have, even if your day has completely sucked. Make it sincere. Help others to feel the same way that this guy has made me feel, help others to feel seen.

Thanksgiving Break

Thanksgiving break turned out to be wonderful! For a while there, I was worried that it would be a very hard one. Pie day is my favorite day during the Thanksgiving season. A few of my grandmas' friends come over and make a variety of pies with us. I love just being with these wonderful women! They never fail to make me laugh and it is always a good time to catch up. I was talking with Jess after the pie making was done. I was telling her the different pies we made when she turned to me and asked, "When are you guys going to eat the pie?" hahaha....blonde moment for Jess. "We eat our pies after Thanksgiving dinner of course." Then soon after that I was talking to Des about pie day. She turns to me and asks, "When do you eat the pie?" I think it is needless to say that we have been friends for so long now that my blonde-ness is rubbing off on them. :)

I went and saw Harry Potter. I was worried about the "sex scene" everyone has been talking about, but when I saw what they meant I laughed to myself. If people are worried about THAT then maybe they should be looking at the other movies they and their kids are watching, because that was "G" compared to what is in other movies these days. Although making out has the potential to lead to sex, making out isn't sex itself. If that makes any sense.

I also saw Inception. I heard many people say they didn't understand it the first time they watched it. So the fact that I did made me feel really good :)

On Thanksgiving day, my aunt was telling me about her frog that she has that goes in the fish tank with her fish. She was very excited about this frog. So when she was telling me about it I looked at her and asked, "You have aquatic fish?".....hahaha what I really meant to say was an aquatic frog. Oh the things that come from my mouth.

A small translation of feelings

I can't even describe how incredibly lucky I feel. The last few days I have just woke up and thought, "Wow! Am I really here?" I love my Heavenly Father so much and I know that He loves me. I feel so lucky that He would reach into my life and turn me around. 


I've heard people ask, "Who is she? Where did she come from?" Well this is it. The gospel. It is the ONLY thing that makes me different. My Heavenly Father has great plans for me. The trials that I have faced are not for nothing. I know that through the power of the Atonement I can be healed, I can find peace, I can forgive and be forgiven. Christ not only died for the sins that we commit, but the sins that have been committed against us. I can be/am forgiven, therefore I too must forgive. Christ knows everything that we go through, turn to Him. Let Him ease your burdens. 


Sister Ann Dibb pointed out in her October 2009 general conference talk that, "It is important to note, however, that in the scriptures there are very few stories of individuals who lived in blissful happiness and experienced no opposition. We learn and grow by overcoming challenges with faith, persistence, and personal righteousness. I’ve been strengthened by President Thomas S. Monson’s endless confidence in our Heavenly Father and in us. He has said: “Remember that you are entitled to our [Heavenly] Father’s blessings in this work. He did not call you to your privileged post to walk alone, without guidance, trusting to luck. On the contrary, He knows your skill, He realizes your devotion, and He will convert your supposed inadequacies to recognized strengths. He has promised: ‘I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up’ ” (“Sugar Beets and the Worth of a Soul,” Liahona, July 2009, 3–4; Ensign, July 2009, 5–6)." 
( http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-1117-25,00.html read the whole talk, it is AMAZING!) 
And always remember, good things take time, sometimes His time is different than ours but as long as you are doing the right things blessings will be poured down on you. Now the question is, are you grateful for the blessings you are receiving now? Are you recognizing those blessings?

!Rugby!

I went to my first rugby game on saturday. Let's just say I like it better than football. Here are my reasons. #1 you can actually see the game very well #2 because you can see the game better you can see players better :) #3 have you SEEN the thighs on these guys? There is just something about watching muscular, athletic men run around on a field and take eachother out that I love. I'm sure that actually being able to see would be different if it was at a national level of playing or something cuz you'd be at a stadium or whatever. Nevertheless, I loved it!

Day 3 (right on time): Describe your first kiss, where you were, who saw and how you felt when it happened.

Hehehe....My first kiss makes me laugh. Considering it wasn't that long ago, it is still very fresh on my mind. I had met this guy country dancing. We danced together for a good portion of the night until I had to stop because I was getting too dizzy. He (Mark) got my number and a week later we were on a date. We played a million questions, it's kind of like twenty questions, but a million. I was very flirtatious, more flirtatious than I have ever been. I think it was because of the fact that I thought I would never see him again, so that makes it easier. It was a good short date that ended with me hitting him in face with the back of my head as I tried to hop gracefully into a little kid swing. But if you know me, you know I am not graceful. I was going to be heading back to school in four or five days we talked about him visiting, but I was almost sure that I would never see him again. Then the next day I was country dancing with my friend Arianna. When I saw he wasn't there, I texted him and we decided to meet up after country dancing. Arianna headed home and I hopped in his truck. We went to a park near the temple and sat on the grass. We just talked and flirted for two or three hours. I was REALLY flirting it up, it was almost as if someone had flipped a switch on. The conversation was easy and I was comfortable be around him. Eventually, I told him that I need to go home it was super late. As he drove me home we talked some more about him visiting me, which made me practically glow to think that this guy I had just met would want to visit me. When we got to my house he walked me up to the garage (because I could never get the front door open with my key). We were talking about something, but as we got to the garage we both got quiet. He kind of stepped closer to me and held out his hands. So I put my hands in his and he pulled me closer. My heart was pounding as I looked into his eyes. He had this look, I can't describe it but I'm sure most of you girls out there know exactly what kind of look I'm talking about, and I just knew he was going to try to kiss me. As his face came closer to mine, I just giggled and turned my head a little and hugged him. I'm not talking about just a little giggle, I mean a full on little girl giggle! Then I kind of backed away just a little, still kind of giggling. (I laugh at the silliest things and in the complete wrong moments!) He came closer again and went in for the kiss again (what determination this guy had!) and I just giggled again and hugged him again. Finally, he asks, "Can I kiss you???" My mind raced, why not? "Yeah" I laughed. Then we kissed and then kissed again. When he kissed me I remember thinking, "Oh. This is what this is like. I kinda like it." I was looking up at the stars as he kissed me and remember looking at Orion's belt then thinking, "Oh yeah my eyes are supposed to be closed." When I closed them and it only made it even better! We hugged and I went inside. It was a great kiss and I still talk with him occasionally. 

Day 2 (a little late): A letter to my best friend

My Dearest Deseretie and Jess-i-ca~


I love you so very much. You are, after all, my Mexican & Canadian hermanas. I honestly believe that we were friends before we came to earth. I love how you tell me the truth even when I refuse to listen to you. I promise that your words do penetrate my thick skull. I know that I am stubborn and at times childish, but thank you for your patience. I love that I can tell you guys my funny thoughts and that you laugh with me, even if sometimes I can tell that you are laughing more AT me than WITH me. Thank you for crying with me and being there for me as I worked/work through so many difficult things. Thank you for sharing your families with me, I should pretty much be a Mexadian. Thank you for never giving up on me and for the unconditional love you give me. You both are "georgeous" (haha...from that quote in our locker...get it, get it? ;) I am so glad that you two came and talked to me that day. There were so many times that I just wanted to give up in school, with family, with a social life, religion, pretty much just everything, but you guys were always there to keep me going. I love you both so very very much!!!!!!!!


Love always and forever, 
Lexi Love

Arianna Dawn~
Pretty sure that when I first met you, I peed my pants. When I opened the door that day you moved into our dorm, I was ecstatic. I'm glad I hugged you. I knew when I first saw you that we were going to be friends, I just never imagined that we would be such good friends. I love all of the silly things that we do together. You are beautiful inside and out. You have helped me to grow in so many ways. Thank you for putting up with my impatience. Thanks for talking things out with me. Thank you for laughing, crying, and dancing with me! I love love love love you!!!!!!! So muuush!


Love always, 
Lexis

Andrew~


Thank you for your example, for your understanding, and for your patience. I swear any friend of mine has to exercise so much of that with me. Thank you for not making me feel like an idiot when I say or do something dumb or when I don't understand something. Thank you for sticking around, even when at times I can be such a bum. Thank you for talking through and then supporting (or at least understanding) decisions that I have made. Thank you for your friendship. I don't know what I would do without you! I'm proud of you. You are truly an amazing person and I am so lucky to have you in my life. 


Love always,
Lexi

Prima Ballerina

"You ARE the prima ballerina!!!" My teacher shouts at me. I snort while thinking to my self, "I am FAR from the prima ballerina. Who are you trying to kid?" There once was a time when I would have believed this could one day be true, but those days are loooong gone. You see, once upon a time I was good at ballet. I still love it, but I know I will never be the dancer I used to be unless I decide to devote my self to hours and hours of stretches and practices that, lets face it, will never be useful to me. I mean it would be cool to be able to fold my self in half backwards and touch my big toe to my chest like I used to be able to.

Anyhow, after 2 months (16 classes/ 16 hours) of ballet class, my teacher informs the class that her ballet 2 class and her ballroom classes are performing and she would like us to attend. "Wait, on second thought, I have never had a ballet 1 class as good as yours. I want you girls to perform the combination we've been working on." Mind you this little performance is just 2 weeks away from when she said this and most of us in the class are so confused about the whole combination.

So pretty much next week I get to put on my leotard and tights, stand in front of 200ish people, and look like a fool. Yes, you guessed it! I will be turning my kitchen into a dance studio on monday night so that I can practice (sorry roomies)....Secretly, I LOVE it ;) ....In my mind I am the Prima Ballerina, even if in reality I can't do the splits :)

Day 1: Favorite quotes

"Happiness is a choice, not a reaction"

"Life is not what happens on the outside, it is how we percieve it on the inside"

"Patience is far more than simply waiting for something to happen- patience requires actively working toward worthwhile goals and not getting discouraged when results don't appear instantly or without effort...There is an important concept here: patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can- working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!" ~President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it ~Bill Cosby



I was born to try ~ Delta Goodrem

The person who forgets the past is foolish, but not as much as the person who forgets to move forward. ~Andrew Arveseth

Ten Days

I saw this on my cousins blog and decided to steal it. :) Thanks Shirley!

Day One: Your favorite quotes.


Day Two: A letter to your best friend.

Day Three: Describe your first kiss, where you were, who saw and how you felt when it happened.

Day Four: Tell the story of your favorite memory.

Day Five: Three things that you’ve done in your life that you regret doing / not doing.

Day Six: Three things that you wish you could do right now.

Day Seven: Your favorite TV show, movie, song and book.

Day Eight: Write a letter to someone that you’ve drifted away from and now miss.

Day Nine: Five items you’d grab in a fire.

Day Ten: The hardest thing you’ve ever had to do.

~A Silver lining~

Sometimes when I'm walking to class I look at the people around me. When I do, I usually see people who look energized, people who look worn out, people who look like they possibly haven't bathed in a while, people who look like they've had hard lives, people who look like they've had easy lives. But I know that it is important not to look at the appearance. It really is like that saying, "Don't judge a book by its cover."

When people look at me, what do they see at first glance? I'm pretty sure that those around me see me and think I'm one of those people who has had an easy life. In many ways that is possibly true. I do tend to overlook some of the harder things in my life as a way to make things easier for myself. But if you acknowledge the bad at every second of your life and let it rule you, you soon become that person.

I was talking with a friend a few days ago about how people look at us and see these amazing people. They think that we have no idea what the harder things are in life, when in reality that is not the case at all. I may not have had the hardest life, but it most certainly was not easy. I have been faced with many hard decisions in my life and have had some pretty crazy experiences. I have been given responsibilities at a young age that no child should be given. There are a lot of things that I have kept from those around me, even family. Why? Because sometimes they aren't the most important things in life. Every day we need to look for the silver lining in the cloud before us, because if we do then the sun might just surprise us and come out from behind the cloud to shower us in warmth. I could never be the kind of person who lives a life of hate. I live for the silver lining and the sporadic moments of warmth.

The Foundation

I came across a very good quote the other day in one of my text books. It is by Bell Hooks she says, "When we can see ourselves as we truly are and accept ourselves, we build the necessary foundation for self-love. The confusion arises because most people who think they are not lovable have this perception because at some point in their lives they were socialized to see themselves as unlovable by forces outside their control."

I think that sometimes we are afraid to let others in because we have seen others who have gotten hurt from letting people in. We build up walls and wait to see if anyone out there is willing to climb the wall just to see what is on the other side. Occasionally, you get a brave person who will try to climb over the wall. Then you become afraid that the person wont like what they have found on the other side. So you put obstacles in their way, maybe loosen some of the not so important bricks so that they slip when they are grabbed at and threaten to make the person fall back to the ground below.

I think that it is time for those of us who have built up walls or are in the process of building up these walls to take Bell Hooks advice and love ourselves. As we come to love ourselves we will be building something much better than any wall. We will be building that foundation that Bell Hooks talks about, something that wont be easily taken down by years of bad weather or people who come with climbing equipment to dig into us. We will gain that self love. If you love yourself, people will come to love you too.
Many people face hard lives and are told that they are unlovable. They are raised to believe this lie. How are these people who have been put in these most unfortunate circumstances supposed to lay their foundation when they haven't been given the equipment to do so? The answer to this question may seem very difficult, when in fact it is very simple. The rest of us in the world who have firm foundations must provide those around us with the equipment.

Reach out to those around you, make them know that they are worthwhile, even if all you give them is a smile and a simple "Hello". Most of the time, they simply need that kindness shown to them. As you reach out to those around you, you not only show others that they are worthwhile and help them build their foundations, you continue strengthening your own. It then becomes a win-win situation.